State of the Union: Houston Texans

I know how these guys feel.

Sadly, there's one offseason acquisition that has me more excited about this season than any other in Texan history and it's a kicker. Neil Rackers. As of right now, he's still technically in a battle with Kris Brown for the starting kicking job, but if they don't cut Brown there are going to be problems. I don't care that Rackers missed that kick against the Packers. A kick wasn't meant to win that game, but Rihanna had a squirt gun fight with Chris Brown in comparison to the problems that the Texans have had with their Kris/Chris combo. At least her Chris didn't get an all expenses paid trip to Paris, get on one knee under the Eiffel Tower, then forget what he was there for and beat her with a tire iron in his confusion. Kris loved to shank clutch kicks and Chris loved to fumble at the one yard line with less than a minute to go in the fourth quarter. That's what they're best at and I'm pretty sure it was what they were born to do. That's fine and dandy but get them out of Houston. Go do that in St. Louis.

Texan running backs needs to stop fumbling the football. The Texans had the number one ranked passing offense last year but could not run the ball to save their lives, and that had a lot to do with the unsure hands of Steve Slaton. Arian Foster is now listed as the starter, but he needs to be better in short yardage situations than the backs of the past have. They get into a third and short and all of a sudden they can't get by a blind paraplegic. Given, the line isn't great at run blocking, but the least they can do is hold onto the football. Fortunately for the backs, the Texans are stacked offensively. They have a top two wide receiver in Andre Johnson (the best depending on how you feel about Larry Fitzgerald), a dominant tight end in Owen Daniels, and two solid secondary receivers in Kevin Walter and Jacoby Jones (whose production is primed to take off). The Jets are the only team on their schedule that has the secondary to match up with their passing game, but if they don't have Revis, Johnson would command double coverage which opens things up for Schaub and his other options. Matt Schaub needs to stay healthy (a problem for the majority of his career) but if he stays upright for 16 games then they're a favorite to make the playoffs. So Matt goes, the Texans go. Dan Orlovsky is their backup. He looked good in the preseason but you never know what's going to happen with him. I wouldn't be surprised if he wore diapers on game day after playing against Jared Allen.

Mario Williams is a freak. They need to get the pass rush going on the opposite side of him and Amobi Okoye needs to stop playing like a thirteen year old girl, but Super Mario's presence on the line worries opposing quarterbacks on every play because he can physically hurt them. Losing Bryan Cushing for the first four games hurts because they're thin at linebacker. Their starters are good with Demeco Ryans leading the unit, but behind them there isn't much depth and they already struggle against the run. Antonio Smith needs a big year opposite Mario because their cornerbacks are questionable. They drafted Kareem Jackson out of Alabama in the first round, but he'll have to step in to fill Dunta "Pay Me" Robinson's shoes. A better pass rush allows for an easier learning curve, but playing against Peyton twice this year doesn't allow for many mistakes.

The scariest part of this team is the hope. The Chris/Kris Brown combo cost them 4 potential wins last season, costing them a playoff spot in the process. With Chris gone and Kris hopefully on his way out, this team is better than it's ever been. Even with Cushing sitting out the first four weeks this team needs to make the playoffs. There's a lot of pressure mounting on the Texans and their coaching staff. They're good enough to win, and they should win, but unfortunately that's when they like to pull a stunt like getting beat twice by Jacksonville. I think they're going to the playoffs, but the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach says 8-8 and a long season of disappointment ahead. Hey, at least they're on Monday Night Football twice. That's pretty cool I guess.